Drinking the Kool-Aid

My best friend is pregnant.  In fact, she is very pregnant, i.e. she could blow anytime in the next 3 weeks.  We talk almost every day and sometimes we talk about nothing, and sometimes we talk about life changing stuff.  Lately, we have lots of conversations about pregnancy and babies. She asked me a question, a very normal question, to which any polite person would've have lied to her and moved on, but I told her the truth.  She asked, "Are you finding the balance between work and the Pumpkin?"

I said no. Flat out no. 

I went back to work after a luxurious 4.5 months off with my Pumpkin, and have been back at work one month today.  I told her no, because I don't believe that balance exists in this scenario.  I want it all, but I don't think you can have it all. There, I said it, in public! - take that all you "Supermoms". 

I absolutely love my job, and I love my company, and I love the people I work with.  But, I really think that if you have a job like I do, where you work 45+ hours a week, and you have a 6 month old, you aren't going to find the balance, because your heart is ripped out every time you leave your child, and every time you pick them up.  

(Okay, you may be wondering if I said it like that to my pregnant friend who is about to pop, who was sooooooo hoping I would say yes to her question----I totally said it like that, sorry friend). 

But seriously, you "Supermoms" out there can't seriously look me in the eye and tell me that you do it all, and do it all well?!  You can't, because you don't have enough time.  

Here is my day, lets count the hours I get with the pumpkin:

5:15 - Pumpkin Wakes

5:15-6:30 - Pumpkin Eats (Breastfeeding) while Mom dozes in the chair

6:30-7:00 - Mom and Dad attempt to get ready while swapping Pumpkin watching duties

7:15 - Dad takes Pumpkin to Daycare and Mom goes to Work

7:30 - 415 - Mom Works/Pumpkin at Daycare

*9:30 - Mom Pumps (Seriously, I have to get credit for this)

*12:30 - Mom Pumps

*3:30 - Mom Pumps

415-4:30 - Mom picks up Pumpkin

4:30-5:00 - Mom Drives home - Pumpkin in back seat

5:00 - 5:25 - Mom plays with Pumpkin

5:25 - 6:00 - Day plays with Pumpkin while Mom starts Dinner

6:00 - 6:15 - Mom and Dad try to prolong Pumpkin's awake time, at this point she is cranky      (sometimes bath time)

6:15 - 6:25 - Mom and Dad get Pumpkin ready for bed

6:25 - Pumpkin Eats

6:30 - 7:00 - Pumpkin in bed

*10:00 - Mom Pumps (it just makes me feel better to know other people know I have to do this all day!)

5:15 - Pumpkin Wakes up....you get it.

If you are looking at this with a close eye, I get 25-45 minutes with my daughter when she isn't eating or sleeping every day. This is ridiculous; I mean they should call child protective services on my Bad Working Mom Ass. Look, I love my job, but I love my daughter more.  And just so you don't think I'm a big whiner, I am actually taking steps to get more than 25 minutes a day with her, but it’s just not going to happen tomorrow.  

Here is what really gets me going though...I am all for making your own choices, I did.  And, I will come right out and say I am envious of those fabulous stay-at-home moms.  But the fact that I have to pretend like this situation is healthy, and it's a balanced way to live....blah, blah, blah.  I'm just not going to drink that Kool-Aid anymore.  Women in the workplace have been shoving that toxic drink down my throat since I was in diapers, and I didn't realize that it wasn't true until I had a baby.  There are plenty of working moms out there, that do the best they can, and I believe they do, because I do.  And, some people choose this as their path, and that's okay.  But don't tell me its fine and dandy, and everyone does it because they WANT to, most do it because they have to.  

So here is my pledge;I will not tell the next generation you have to do it all.  I will tell them you get to choose your path, and it doesn't matter what that is, you just have to find a way to be okay with the path you choose. 

Still finding my okay path....

BWM